Addressing the Problem of Feeling Unlovable

The problem of feeling unlovable is a deep and complex issue for many people, often for those you would never suspect have a poor sense of self in how well they hide it.  There are also those who behave in ways who clearly demonstrate a lack of self love in self-sabotaging behaviors.  Feeling unlovable is a highly influential core belief, setting the stage for how we show up for ourselves and for others.

Consider some of the ways; bouts with depression, anxiety, relationship problems and the endless list of behavioral tactics one might use to defend against the ultimate perceived outcome, being alone.  Feeling unlovable also underlies other more commonly talked about relationship fears like fear of abandonment, fear of rejection and fear of not being good enough.

But wait.

What if those who feel unlovable at their core have it all wrong?  What if it’s all been a big misunderstanding, a big lie they have mistakingly internalized into the deepest crevices of their minds and hearts?

If you are open to this possibility, you can change.  There are steps you can take to unwind out of this narrative, one that likely has not served you for a long time.  Whether with a therapist or on your own, you can free yourself from your unlovability myth.

Step 1: Understand the reasons why you feel unlovable

Consider your history going all the way back any related family of origin issues.  Your story came from somewhere so getting clarity around…