Healthy Relationships- Assessing the Emotional Safety

Couples seek relationship counseling for numerous reasons.  No matter what issues they present to therapy with, it often can be boiled down to a problem with the emotional safety in their relationship.  The most hostile, distant or disengaged couples are not the only ones who can be challenged with a lack of emotional safety.  Those who minimize their feelings or are conflict avoidant can often ultimately be the most at risk.  Often the presenting problems that couples go to therapy for, are actually symptoms of a lack of emotional safety in their relationship.

“Emotional safety” encompass important elements.  It exists when both partners feel:

• respected 
• they can trust each other
• prioritized
• heard
• understood
• validated
• empathized with
• loved

If you’ve been struggling to communicate, are easily brought to conflict, have disconnected and are sweeping feelings under the rug, it’s important to do a deeper level check on the status of your relationship.  These are all often signs of distress. 

Do a quick mini assessment on your own relationship by asking yourself how you feel, on a scale of 1-10, in each of the following areas.

Respect: How respected do you feel by each other? People who report low levels of respect often experience criticism, judgment or neglect.  Perhaps your partner makes important decisions without you.

Trust:  Are you clear your partner will not betray you?  Betrayal can include physical and emotional…