Help for High-Conflict Couples | Love And Life Toolbox

Having a healthy, loving and connected relationship is one of the most rewarding experiences.  Couples often start out in a good place and can’t imagine things going awry.  The biologically necessary attachment bonding chemical process (the “honeymoon” phase) that connects people can also shield each other from what might become cracks in the relationship later.  Ideally, when you settle in together and these vulnerabilities start to show themselves, it’s manageable because you can communicate well about the issues.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work this way as it’s a bit more complicated. Why? 

Many couples get stuck in tough spots, neither of them having the needed relationship tools to dig themselves out.  There are different ways people deal with these types of challenges based on their prior experiences.  These coping mechanisms can come crashing together in ways that propel their negative cycles.  This can look like intense outbursts or total retreat and conflict avoidance.  Yes, even sweeping issues under the rug and not talking about them actually creates a high level of conflict in the potential for total disconnection if not addressed.

The relationship attachment dynamics, the ways in which each person has learned to instinctively react when under relationship duress, are really important to understand.  In order to heal and move forward, the cycles need to be interrupted as emotional safety is…