Borderline Personality Disorder and the Pain Paradox

As I recover from my recent surgery, I continue to experience periodic pain in my abdomen where the surgical incisions were made. The pain is not coming from the incisions, but seems to be coming from deep within my belly. Less than a week after the surgery, I was doing well, managing my post-op pain only with Tylenol, when the pain suddenly became intolerable, and I went to the emergency room. They did a CT scan of my stomach and couldn’t find anything. I saw the surgeon a couple of days later and he also had no explanation. The pain has decreased some and I manage it with Toradol which doesn’t make me drowsy. I wonder how long it’s going to last, and if it is me somatizing—or if the doctors somehow missing something?

I began to wonder about my level of pain tolerance. Pain is so subjective. My brother underwent an emergency appendectomy at the same time I had my surgery; he had tolerated his pain for two days before he went to his PCP and she sent him to the emergency room. It turned out his appendix had ruptured.

I think back to when I was symptomatic with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and actively cutting myself. Like so many individuals who are diagnosed with BPD, I didn’t feel the pain of the cutting; I cut to numb myself from the intolerable emotional pain I was constantly feeling. I still have scars on my forearms and upper arms, though I never needed medical attention…