“No” Is a Complete Sentence

“No is a complete sentence,” is my favorite recommendation when it comes to setting boundaries. I first heard this phrase at a women’s entrepreneurial conference from keynote speaker Cate Luzio, founder and CEO of the women’s co-working space Luminary in Manhattan. When my answer is “No,” and I find myself launching into a long explanation, I remember this crucial piece of guidance and stop. For what purpose am I explaining—to appease the other person, or to placate myself?

In her book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab defines boundaries as “expectations and needs that help you stay safe and comfortable in your relationships. Expectations in relationships help you stay emotionally and mentally well. Learning when to say no and when to say yes is also an essential part of feeling comfortable when interacting with others.”

It’s hard to say no. Especially when we’re so used to saying “yes.” I would worry that a friend would reject me or abandon me. As someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I was hypersensitive to that possibility. But if a friend can’t accept your no, then they weren’t the friend you thought they were to begin with.

In her essay “We Don’t Need Self Care—We Need Boundaries,” psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin, writes that setting boundaries “means that you have to learn how to say no, and recognize that it’s nobody else’s…