Most people have felt that rush of intense emotion when first attracted to someone: the butterflies, the obsessive thoughts, the constant yearning. Long-distance relationships can be a breeding ground for intense emotions, and the distinction between limerence and love is important to have awareness of with the intensified aspect of longing. Is this whirlwind of feelings truly love, or is it something else entirely?
Limerence vs. Love
The term limerence was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in 1979, described as a state of intense infatuation and longing for reciprocation characterized by the following:
- Intrusive thoughts: The object of your affection consumes your thoughts, making it difficult to focus on anything else.
- Idealization: You see the person through rose-tinted glasses, often overlooking flaws or red flags.
- Emotional dependence: Your happiness hinges on their attention and approval.
- Fear of rejection: You’re constantly worried about losing their interest.
- Physical manifestations: Limerence can manifest physically as butterflies, a racing heart, or insomnia.
Limerence is often fueled by uncertainty and a desire for reciprocation. It thrives on fantasy and projection, creating an idealized image of the other person. While exciting and all-consuming, it can also be emotionally exhausting and unstable.
Since the birth of online dating apps and swipe culture, people have been connecting from near and far, allowing more options to find a mate perhaps anywhere…
Continue Reading…
_____________________
Looking for marriage counseling in Portland, Oregon? Contact me about Online Therapy options.
Leave a Reply