ClearSky Counseling

Swipe Left on Swipe Culture: Why Online Dating Apps Are Being Ditched

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The reign of online dating and its hallmark “swipe culture” is experiencing a steep decline. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge became the go-to for people looking for love, or at least a connection. But recent trends suggest this phenomenon is waning. More people are expressing fatigue with the superficiality, gamification, and often disappointing outcomes of these platforms. My therapy practice and self-reports of friends have also reflected this.

I wonder if despite recent years of the popularity of using online dating apps to “connect,” that people are lonelier than ever within them.

According to the Harvard article, What is Causing the Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?, researchers identified technology as a primary driver (73% of those surveyed). Perhaps despite technology in many cases helping to bring people together, it also has the ability to pull them apart in the inherent systems it provides. In online dating, the swipe, swipe, swipe…exploiting the brain’s dopamine reward system with a potentially never-ending cycle of anticipation and gratification. But there is a downside to this as there always is with addictive cycles.

A 2023 Pew Research Center study revealed widespread dissatisfaction with online dating, citing frustration and negative experiences. Where quick judgments based on limited profiles can lead to shallow interactions, ghosting and breadcrumbing are common, leaving individuals feeling disheartened and disposable. The constant…

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Looking for marriage counseling in Portland, Oregon? Contact me about Online Therapy options.

When Your Body Dials 911

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Ongoing stress can affect not just your emotional and mental health, but also your physical health. The connection between mind and body is often overlooked in the work world, but leadership development expert Jason Miller has spent his career trying to change that. In this episode, host Morra Aarons-Mele hears more about Miller’s experience that landed him in the ER. Plus, Dr. David Barlow, Professor Emeritus at Boston University, shares tips on how to right-size your phobias and better cope.

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Looking for marriage counseling in Portland, Oregon? Contact me about Online Therapy options.

Comparing Myself to Others Makes Me Feel Inadequate

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Source: © Google DeepMind | Pexels

Recently, a New York Times article—“America’s Hidden Racial Divide: A Mysterious Gap in Psychosis Rates”—reported on the work of Deidre Anglin, who had “spearheaded much of the past decade’s research on racial disparities and psychosis….Anglin, who is 48 and a professor of clinical psychology at the City University of New York, has published a flurry of papers with titles like ‘Racial Discrimination Is Associated With Distressing Subthreshold Positive Psychotic Symptoms Among U.S. Urban Ethnic Minority Young Adults.’”

Whenever I read or hear about someone in my field who is significantly younger than me—or even around my age—and has accomplished so much more, I feel incredibly inadequate. I can’t help but think, What did I do wrong?

And then I remember. Duh! Three decades of your life were spent consumed by severe mental illness. But then I tell myself that I should have accomplished more in the last nine years since I terminated therapy with my psychiatrist. I haven’t been hospitalized in over 10 years. What have I done since then that is significant? That is comparable to Anglin? I recently went to a literary reading with a friend. A young woman with an impressive biography read an excerpt from her memoir. I thought, I will never write like she can, so why am I trying? Why am I continuing in this pursuit of fooling myself?

I have difficulty accepting that my accomplishments are good…

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Looking for marriage counseling in Portland, Oregon? Contact me about Online Therapy options.

Resilience Isn’t Enough: We Need To Be Anti-Fragile

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To succeed in sports and in the corporate world, you might need more than just resilience. Enter the concept of anti-fragility, which focuses on the idea that meaningful resistance and meaningful difficult situations can be approached in a way where you actually come out better on the other side. 

Dr. Nick Holton is a performance coach for professional athletes and Fortune 500 Executives. Adam Wright is the Director of Mental Performance at the Washington Nationals MLB team. Together they founded The Anti Fragile Academy, and they speak with host Morra Aarons-Mele about how they train corporate leaders to withstand pressure, and improve as a result.

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Need online therapy for depression? I can provide Telehealth services anywhere in Oregon.

What if Impostor Syndrome Isn’t All Bad?

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It turns out, a lot of our beliefs about how we are performing at work – and how we choose to label that performance – can negatively impact our jobs and our mental health. Basima Tewfik is an Assistant Professor of Work and Organization Studies at the MIT Sloan School of Management, who looks deeply at our social behaviors and psychology at work. And she’s found that labels like anxious, neurotic, and imposter syndrome can actually be really detrimental to our success. Even impostor feelings, in her research, can lead to positive outcomes at work. Tewfik thinks of each like a double edged sword and explains how her research focuses on the positive side of phenomena like these.

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Struggling with anxiety in Oregon? Contact me for information on Telehealth services.

When a Dream Is Thwarted by a Feared Outcome

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Source: © Andrea Piacquadio | Pexels

At 63, my life couldn’t be going better. I have, I think a solid eight months at a new job as a licensed clinical social worker, I’m a published writer and blogger, and I’m about halfway through the first draft of a memoir. I’m also an adjunct instructor at a small college near where I live, and I’ve just been asked to be an advisor for a women’s leadership program at another local university

I still, however, have an unfulfilled goal: I desire to be a more visible mental health influencer.

I have to wonder how much my employers know about my lived experience with mental illness: my recovery from anorexia, major depressive disorder with psychotic features, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). Do employers do a social media background search these days? One study found that “70% or more of recruiters and hiring managers search applicants’ [social media] sites and even use this information to screen applicants.”

I want to post a series of videos letting people who have been diagnosed with BPD and their loved ones know that full and sustained recovery is possible. I’d like to let people know that while dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) may be the gold-standard treatment for BPD—I’m the first to admit DBT helped me build a foundation of skills that helped me get through the intense treatment to follow and that I still use today—it is not the only option.

I want to raise…

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Need online therapy for depression? I can provide Telehealth services anywhere in Oregon.

The Impact Of A Brain Injury On Mental Health

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A brain injury, whether caused by an accident, stroke, or illness, can significantly disrupt a person’s mental health and psychological well-being, and there were 69,473 TBI hospitalizations in 2021.

The brain is the control center for our personality, emotions, behavior, and thought processes.

Bill Allen, a personal injury attorney in Ocala, FL, explains that damage to the brain through an injury can result in long-term impairments in cognitive, emotional, and social functioning.

These changes affect quality of life and have profound psychiatric consequences.

Depending on factors like the severity, mechanics, and location of the injury, a wide spectrum of mental health disorders may emerge during both the acute recovery phase and into the chronic stages of rehabilitation.

 

Depression

 

Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions experienced after a traumatic brain injury (TBI).

Estimates suggest around half of people with a TBI develop depression within the first year after an accident, which is significantly higher than the general population.

There are several factors that contribute to post-TBI depression, including changes in brain structure and function, coping with post-injury limitations, grief over lost abilities, social isolation, and neurochemical…

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Struggling with anxiety in Oregon? Contact me for information on Telehealth services.

How to Avoid Politics Blowing Up Relationships Over the Holidays

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While many are anticipating the upcoming holidays to be merry and bright, there are others who dread the political elephant in the room at their family gatherings where divergent opinions are a reality. As a practicing psychotherapist, I’ve noticed it coming up a lot lately, the question of how to enjoy the traditional family gatherings while avoiding landmines that have the potential to not only blow up the festive environment but have real relationship impact.

Let’s begin by acknowledging that this time of year can be tricky for many already. Loneliness or grief of a recently lost loved one can sting during this time of year. And many face challenges returning to their family of origin “nests” because of unresolved issues or problematic relationship dynamics. This comes up annually in my work, regardless of the political climate; questions about how to set boundaries and even possibly remove oneself gracefully. Adding in the vastly divergent energetic political positions people have taken lately makes the reality of fraught dinner tables around the country a distinct possibility.

The post-election emotional reality.

You are thrilled at the result, panicked by the result, ambivalent about the result or otherwise. The trouble brews when people on opposite ends of the continuum come together. Strong feelings either way may trigger a strong desire for discussion which with a group of like-minded individuals, would probably occur…

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Need online therapy for depression? I can provide Telehealth services anywhere in Oregon.

Connecting Mind, Body, and Work Performance in a Stressful Season

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Why do we feel anxious even when threats are only imagined, and why have we evolved to feel anxiety? The connection between mental and physical health is well documented and talked about, but very easy to forget in times of stress. In this episode, we revisit a conversation with Dr. Christine Runyan, a professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and co-founder of Tend Health about the roots of this complex emotion, and learn self care techniques that actually work, and why. 

Dr. Christine Runyan on On Being: https://onbeing.org/programs/christine-runyan-on-healing-our-distressed-nervous-systems/

More about Tend Health: https://tend.health/meet-tend/meet-founders/

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Struggling with anxiety in Oregon? Contact me for information on Telehealth services.

Say Goodbye to Negative Self-Talk and Hello to Your Superpowers

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Sanyin Siang is an advisor, coach, and adjunct professor at Duke University where she leads the Fuqua/Coach K Leadership and Ethics Center or COLE. She’s also someone who believes in being your own best friend, and that starts with the self-talk we have going on in our heads all day long. In this episode, she walks host Morra Aarons-Mele through her superpowers framework, her own quest to find her strengths, and how high-achievers can zero in on our gifts instead of what we need to improve. 

The Superpowers with Sanyin Substack: https://leadershipplaybook.substack.com/

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Struggling with anxiety in Oregon? Contact me for information on Telehealth services.

ClearSky Counseling, LLC